Silent Fright

Merry Christmas everyone!!!!
We're just about ready for the arrival of the big man in red. Shame he couldn't get here a bit sooner and tackle Walmart for me!


I survived my school Nativity - just. A joy for the parents of the eleven adorable 3 and 4 year olds . . . less of a delight for their poor frazzled teacher. Number One Wise Man got stage fright before he even got his cloak on . . . cue howls and sobs, complete refusal to move his hands off his tightly shut eyes, and zero chance of him saying his words. Mary and Joseph were rooted to the spot and had to be rescued, brought to the inn-keeper, and then escorted to the stable when the Inn-Keeper demanded (loudly) "You come with me!". The Wise Men had to be herded to baby Jesus - the lead man being unable to see through his clenched fists - and Wise Man 2 could not see the wisdom in quietly allowing the Myrhh to be put down before his Frankincense. So a huge success, rapturous applause, and my blood pressure has just about dropped back to normal. Phew.

Hannah and Jack had their show. I wasn't holding my breath after seeing the shambles of an assembly offering . . . not at all what we have come to expect after the fabulous shows at Thingwall Primary!!! But each class did a couple of lovely songs - no class teacher involvement, the specialist music teacher does the whole thing. Grade 4 did the signing version of Silent Night - wearing black clothes and white gloves, lights out and a UV light to highlight their hands. Brilliant.

Trish took me to the Hutterite Colony to get the turkey. I was expecting an Amish type community - old Prairie houses, pony and trap, that kind of thing. But no! This was more Colditz than cute. Bleak doesn't do it justice . . . and when we got to the "Do Not Pass This Point" sign, we half expected a sherman tank to round the corner! A happy looking chap (?) in a mad hat finally directed us to the turkeys . . . over by the barrack housing and washing lines full of long frocks and headscarfs . . . and we settled for the smallest birds they could find. If you can call 26.5lb small. At least we didn't have to chase it round with a cleaver or get down to any plucking. . . and just as well we have a mega American oven!!

We've got enough food to feed the 13 coming to lunch . . . and several passers-by. No ready made stuffing from M&S this year, and not a frozen Yorkshire Pud in sight! So it will be a wholesome, entirely home-made feast. Does anyone know Delias number???

Well, I'm off to switch on my multitude of lights. It will be strange not seeing everyone over Christmas, and we will certainly miss you all. Happily our many Brit friends have a strong dose of the Dunkirk spirit - so we certainly won't be alone!! Many gatherings and copious amounts of food and drink will feature in the festivities, and we'll all be merry and bright!

Wishing you all a joyful Christmas and a sparkling New Year,

With lots and lots of Canadian Jingle Bell love,

Nicki, Bert, Katie, Eleanor, Hannah and Jack xxxxxx

No Place For A Brass Monkey

Hiya All!

Here we are again . . . walking in a winter wonderland!!! Slipping and sliding in a winter wonderland, actually. As pretty as the snow is to look at, I have progressed rapidly from " It's snowing !!!" (gleeful voice, genuine pleasure) to "it's snowing" (disgruntled voice, genuine exasperation). Of course the kids love it . . . bundled up in ski pants and coats, snow boots and mitts, off sledging and making snow angels - fab. Whereas driving on an ice rink and spending 40 minutes clearing the drive (thawing out just as the next 4 inches starts to fall!) is not great. I think I'll abandon that and go sledging. Oh, to be 10 again!

And HOW cold???? -30 last week, with the wind-chill factor!!!! So it was a joy to hear from Bert in the Phillipines - telling me how hot it was. Luckily we are back up to -5 . . . practically balmy. On the plus side the trees look spectacular - white and sparkly, and the kids are itching to go skating on the pond. Our lovely neighbours Daisy and Dayna (the most fabulous people, who have welcomed our kids into their family- and tolerate them for huge amounts of time!) have a gadget to measure the thickness of the ice, and will let them know when it is safe to skate on. So plenty of memories will be made in the next few months!

Bert had an interesting time on his trip (more to follow, no doubt) and came back sporting a patch and a new-found determination to give up the evil weed. How major is that??? Subtle hints about impending death have never had much effect . . . but buying him a box of patches and him spending 18 hours on a plane seem to have kick-started things. End of week one and no incredible hulk impressions . . . so far so good!

We're off to the Santa parade tonight . . . hopefully I'll still be able to wave, despite the 30 layers of clothing!!

Bye for now,
Lots of love and hugs,
Nicki xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

About Soddin' Time

Hiya All !

Yes, it's been a while, but we're all still alive and well and the big news is . . . we have sod! (turf, to the uninitiated). 2500 square foot of it - which wasn't enough - and it's fab. I am ridiculously pleased to have a green 'yard' instead of a mud pile, and smile whenever I approach the drive and see it . . . in all its green glory. Small things, hey.

Last night was Halloween. A huge event - and some completely over the top decorations (think Woodchurch at Christmas, if you live on Wirral). Even the Catholic High School kids went to school in costume - 'All Hallows Eve' was sanctified by a Pope, so no worries about being PC there. Even babies and toddlers were dressed up, including our youngest 'trick or treater' - Danya (see pic). We also had a fair sprinkling of superheroes, various animals -the neighbour's 2 year old was the cutest yellow chicken with orange legs! - and lots of fairies and princesses. Lots of candy was dished out, and lots more came back. Looks like the sugar-fest will run and run. Oh dear.

We went to have a look at our local hockey team last weekend - great . . . if you're into brutality, bruising and battering . . . and these were just the kids!!! The 'big kids' (aka Calgary Flames, and their opponents) settle disputes with major slamming around, full-blown violence and hurling each other off the rink head-first. Nice. The huge penalty of 5 minutes in the 'sin bin' not exactly a deterent, then, hey? And how fast???? I have skate envy. I might have to venture out on to the ice . . . does anyone have a spare zimmer frame???

We're still not in the grip of winter - phew! A tiny flutter of snow this week - but it didn't hang around. Still bright and sunny, if decidedly 'fresh' in the mornings. We can live with that. Can't remember the last time it rained . . . sorry!

Bert is off to the Philippines in 3 weeks. He has assured me that this little jaunt into a hot climate, with exotic beaches and fabulous food, is certainly not a holiday and he will definately be working. At all times. Honestly. Well that's all right, then. I suppose. Hmmm.

If you don't hear from me for a while I have succumbed to the devastating effects of being solely responsible for 2 teenagers and twins - shortly after a major sugar boost. What joy.

Anyway, better get cracking on the Christmas decorations - it's down with the halloween lights and up with the tree in these parts!!! (By the way, Bert writes all the titles - his way of contributing - and adds pics. I cannot believe he changed my sign off to 'laters' last time!!! The shame. Honestly, you leave him alone for 2 minutes . . . )

Love and hugs to all,

Nicki xxxxxx

Eat, Drink And Be Stuffed

Just dropping in to wish everyone "Happy Thanksgiving!"

Actually you missed it . . . it was on Monday . . . but it's the thought that counts. We're not entirely clear whether we were being thankful for the pilgrim fathers or the harvest (probably both?), but we were extremely thankful to be eating Adele's fabulous turkey dinner with all the trimmings . . . what a feast !!! Followed by Trish's pumpkin pie with perfect pastry - yummy. After much feasting and merriment we had to be wheeled out on castors, but a good time was certainly had by all . . . and no doubt Bert will be rustling up an equally fabulous gastronomical delight at Christmas(?). No pressure there, then.

We barely had time to digest the turkey before the Halloween decorations were out, adorning houses and filling up 3 aisles in Walmart (costumes for adults, kids, babies - and dogs!) It is a huge event . . . none of the 'alternative light parties' or questioning if the whole thing is P.C. The locals are absolutely astonished that anyone would think it was anything other than a chance for the kids to dress up (as anything at all) and have fun . . . and they all belong to churches (there are 11 in High River!) and pray before eating, so I'm not sure why it is taboo with UK churches? Anyway, I'm stocking up on the candy . . . I've been told our kids will need a fork-lift truck (well, pillowcase at least) to carry all their goodies home, so expectations will be high among the trick-or-treaters. No fobbing them off with a seen-better-days penguin in these parts . . . I'd have the sherriff after me (again!).

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, we have topsoil and a level 'yard' - finally! Now all we need are 9 pallets of turf (or thereabouts). No snow yet, apart from on the mountains (pic at top is the view from our bedroom - click on it to enlarge).

Bye for now,

Nicki xxxxxx

Help, Help, Here Come The Bears

Here we are at the ice - only 'big ice' on until October (when 'Little Ice' and free sessions start) so we have to pay . . . a whole £1.20! It's about the size of Deeside, but there are only 10 other people out there so fab.

We're just about back into the swing of things with school. Hannah and Jack are in Grade 5 - the highest grade at Spitzee. This qualifies them for patrol duties (no lollipop men out here), which involves officious use of a 'stop' paddle and whistle - in teams of 3 - and heaven forbid you should try and sneak across before that whistle is blown!!! Jack was tepted by the promise of an end-of-year patrol party, but thought better of it. The latest initiative in Mr Baldwin's class is the option to discard your chair and sit on an exercise ball. I had to give written permission, and we have been warned that bouncing will result in immediate removal of ball and shameful return to chair status. Apparently it will stimulate their brains no end. We shall see.

My job is OK, apart from the ludicrously low pay. I have a little cowboy in class . . . complete with checked shirt, big buckle (not conducive to success in the washroom) and huge boots. He can barely walk on carpet, bless him, so seeing him tackle the gravel in the play area has to be seen to be believed. Looks like it's the boots that gives cowboys the bandy gait - and I always thought it was the riding!

Bert has been interviewing lots of potential employees - except the majority back out once they realise there is a drugs test at the medical. What is it with this country and drugs??? If it's not pot it's alcohol, and if it's not alcohol it's caffeine . . . they queue right around the block for morning coffee at the Tim Hortons drive-through. Scary.

Great excitement in town last week when there were several sightings of a black bear!!!! It certainly caused a bit of a stir . . . I thought they were all miles away! Seems they are tempted in by fruit trees when there are not enough berries. There have been 3 in the city, too . . . one wandered in to the hospital lobby! We still haven't seen one, but they're obviously out there.

Not much else to report this time, so I'm off to thaw out. How goes it in good old Blighty??

Lots and lots of love to all,

Nicki xxxxxxxx

Bare, Not Bear! (Bert, Not Nicki)

Whilst on the subject of bear spottings I've suddenly remembered a classic from our hols.

On the way back from Vancouver Nicki spotted a car stopped in the distance. She suddenly shrieked that something black had run behind the car and gone down into the ditch at the side of the road. I fumbled for the camera, Nicki slowed down and we talked of how he must have stopped because of a bear sighting.

As we approached, camera at the ready, we saw the 'bear' clearly. It was the bloke from the car (dressed in black hooded sweatshirt) having a waz.

Priceless.

Bert

A Whale Of A Time

Well we're all back at school and the holiday is already starting to feel like a dim and distant memory, so time to commit a few memories to print before they are lost forever.

We set off on our mega drive across the Rockies. Not a challenge I relished, given that 4 of my passengers do not generally feel the need to respect each others personal space and were unlikely to be enamoured of the view. Thankfully, a peaceful journey was enjoyed . . . all hail the god of nintendo!!!

For 3 hours west of Banff we saw the most spectacular scenery ever . . . it has to be seen to be appreciated. Suffice it to say that one quarter of all the world's forests are in Canada, and it felt like we must have seen most of those trees. Wow.

Victoria Island had narrow roads, double decker buses, English style houses and drizzle . . . we thought we'd taken a wrong turn and ended up in the UK!

We headed for the harbour to see the sea-planes, street theatre and the cute little water taxis . . . and book our whale watching trip. Whales are not guaranteed, but the preparations are pretty hilarious as you get bundled up in your bright yellow float suits.

We set off with 7 or 8 other boats - all searching in different areas, all in radio contact. The kids thought the boat ride beat anything Disney had to offer! It was obvious there had been a sighting when all the boats changed course and raced in the same direction, slamming over the water - squeals of delight from the kids, me and Bert hanging on to Jack and Hannah - very exciting stuff. Then engines were turned off, all was quiet . . and whales appeared from all directions!!! It was fantastic (click on the pic at the top to enlarge it). The guide told us we were incredibly lucky - the 3 resident pods had stayed west of the Island for most of the summer (200 miles away) and this was the first time they had seen 'Superpod' (all 3 pods in at once) all year. Right time , right place at last - hurray! Then to add to the drama a 'transient' whale appeared - transients and residents don't mix so they were expecting a showdown, but they gave each other a wide berth (phew - 'whales 1 / blow-up boat nil' was not the experience we signed up for!).

We had been told that if we did nothing else in Canada, to make sure we saw the Orcas. It was the best bit of advice ever . . . thanks Mr Jones !!!! We wouldn't have missed it for the world.

We had a great time on the Island, loved karting (so much for Penelope Pitstop - I was lapped 3 times by Jack!!), tried the baseball nets (how hard are those balls??? It is like being pelted with rocks!), and finished off with 'Tree-Go' . . . a tree top obstacle course with zip wires, like 'Go-Ape' in the UK but with a lower version that Eleanor, Jack and Hannah could do. Fab.

Then we got the ferry to Vancouver.

Vancouver is a beautiful city. The boats in the harbour were something else . . . one had a helicopter and landing pad. We bounced bravely across the Capilano suspension bridge, hired bikes to go round Stanley Park, and even managed to meet up with Bert's friend Marc . . . still with a scouse accent after 29 years away, and still reading The Echo on-line!! Thanks for making us so welcome Marc and Heather, and for the fantastic meal . . . Jack has very happy memories of the garlic bread!

We stopped at Lake Louise on the way home, which is just beautiful - turquoise blue because of the way the glacier grinds the rock to powder, and it freezes to about 70 feet over the winter, so we'll be taking the ice-skates next time.

So that was our 'vacation'. It will be winter before we know it . . . the geese have started gathering on the lake, ready to exit stage left at the first sign of frost. Mind you, it's t-shirt weather just now so we are holding out as long as we can.

On to birthdays. Bert had a new fishing rod for his so he has been off catching tiddlers in the pond. Hannah and Jack have told me about the birthday tradition at their school - the Principle and Vice-Principle appear in your classroom wearing big hats with bells on, sing 'Happy Birthday' in a dramatic style, and let you have a dip in the candy jar. . . a tradition I think should be adopted by all UK schools! (I'm sure Mrs Davies and Miss Cronin would be game for a laugh, but I can think of a few heads who might be forced to retire!!).

That's 3 down and one to go this month - Eleanor is having a 'trail ride' in the Rockies, complete with cowboy hats. And it doesn't even seem odd. How Canadian are we ?!?

That's all folks. Hope you are all happy and thriving and planning to email us soon ?!? Victoria is definately top of the premiership for blog comments . . . while some of you are still languishing in the conference league (has there been a communication black-out on Wirral???)

Bye for now.

Lots and lots of big Canadian bear hugs,

Nicki and the gang xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Holiday pics can be viewed here:

http://www.photobox.co.uk/slideshow?album_id=27481855

It's Kananaskis, Not Indianapolis

Howdie,

Well, after years of escaping the long arm of the law, Nicki (aka Penelope Pitstop) finally got caught speeding in Kananaskis country. No surprises here; the funny thing is she is genuinely wondering whether to appeal. I've advised her against it ......... 122 km/hr in a 90 zone is a fair cop in my view.

They do love it though. Just about every Brit we know out here has been caught speeding (not me I hasten to add). They're everywhere with their little radar guns (in bushes, behind trees, in unmarked cars etc) ...... I'd put money on them having their Christmas do at Lazerquest. I had a Sheriff behind me last week whilst going through roadworks .....the tempory limit was 20 km/hr! I could've walked faster. They should be out catching real criminals ....... rustlers, poachers or restaurant runners for instance.

Nicki will write up our 8 day jaunt to BC in a few days. It was a 12 hour drive, but well worth it. Some of the scenery driving through the mountains was stunning.

My job hasn't lived up to expectations as I seem to have become the solution to every departments problems and have been doing 2 weeks here, 3 weeks there and not really progressing. I voiced my concerns and have arranged a meeting for mid-September to map out my future. I was asked if I'd consider moving to our other plant in Guelph (Toronto). I said 'no,' but after looking into it in more detail (house prices, proximity to New York/Niagra Falls) I may well have a change of heart if a decent package is on offer. Watch this space.

Living here really makes you appreciate the decent levels of customer service taken for granted at home. We've turned into serial complainers due to shoddy/downright appalling service. Our builder, Holiday Inn, Denny's and Photolab have all had an irate Nicki to contend with. Who's next? Shoddy service providers beware!

That's all folks. Love to all.

Bert xx

Morris Mayhem!!

Hiya All!

Here we are, back again after a brief break, and missing (?) the sudden upturn in dramatic events which seemed to accompany Julie and Millie on their visit!

In addition to seeing the sights we visited the spray park . . . just before it closed due to an outbreak of bubonic plague (or ecoli, or some such) ; we visited the theme park . . . where Julie had the roller-coaster stopped so she could get off . . . and on the way home we were accused of trying to 'do a runner' from the restaurant (ate, went to washroom, Bert was paying, kids were confronted . . . still in negotiation with Dennys re shame and trauma inflicted!) ; next I was done for speeding on a deserted road (surly sheriff appeared from nowhere and did a u-turn with lights and sirens to get me ! . . . thought of pleading temporary insanity due to 5 kids in car, but recognised signs of sense-of-humour by-pass so went on my way with a $194 bill and a cheery request to "have a nice day, Ma'am" . . . . why sure, officer!!!) ; then Julie hurled a hamster across 3 cages in Pet World (claiming it had jumped), tried to catch it, dropped it again, then trapped it in a wheel . . . only to find a second hamster dangling by a leg from the bottom af the wheel! No deaths were caused . . . but a close call on wetting ourselves laughing!! Such fun in Pet World . . . who knew? ; and as a departing thrill our cooker top cracked from one side to the other and we are now awaiting a replacement (on order . . . so we are anticipating December).

So, a fabulous time was had by all. . . and all it took to recover was a week off and a trip to Vancouver! (watch this space).
Seriously though, Julie and Millie were perfect house guests and it was great having them to stay . . . bring on the next lot of visitors !!

Some of Julie's holiday snaps can be viewed here:

http://www.photobox.co.uk/slideshow?album_id=27447159

Lots and lots of love and hugs to all . . . especially new baby James! (well done, Gail).

Nicki xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thompson's Get Lazy!!

We're on holiday in Vancouver/Victoria at the min so haven't had chance to update the blog.

Julie had a great time and has written a bit about her holiday ....... saves us a job.

The Other Side of the Blog

Hiya cowboys and cowgirls.

I am writing this from England but this is a few lines about our time in Canada. Me and Millie that is.

We flew out on the 3rd August, taking with us Katie who had been over here on holiday. The journey was fine, apart from being interrogated at both ends because Katie did not have a resident’s card.

Now those regular blog readers will know that Bert has mentioned the fact that everything is big in Canada – well he isn’t joking. Firstly the house is amazing and huge – Me and Millie had the whole basement to ourselves, with our own bathroom and lounge (very huge thanks to Katie and Eleanor for vacating it for two weeks). All the cars (trucks) are big, everyone has huge BBQs, huge sacks of sugar and rice and even the orange juice comes in gallon containers. And – as for those hail stones – I saw them for myself as their friend had kept them in her freezer – they were truly huge.

The whole holiday was brilliant and Nicki was a star driving us around everywhere and showing us the sights (her cooking and general looking after us was pretty fabulous too).

It is hard to pick out the best bits, the rodeo (great to watch but why would anyone want to do that), the spray park round the corner, the day in Banff and the cable car ride, the wildlife, the scenery, the walk to the river in the evening and watching the kids swimming, bowling (five pins), the picnics, the theme park, the heritage park ……………… Millie’s favourite bit when asked was the ice maker on the fridge but then kids are easily pleased!!!!

I guess one of the most memorable times was when Bert took me to the River Roadhouse – now believe me if there is only one reason for going to Canada it has to be to see this place. I wanted to be invisible so I could stare at everyone. Bert has described this before but I have to say I had to see it with my own eyes – if anyone has ever seen the film "Dusk til Dawn" it is pretty similar. It was like walking onto a spoof western set. Monkey nut shells all over the floor and drunken cowboys – the best bit though was when a lady (I hesitated to use that word) walked in dressed from head to toe in white cowgirl gear – white boots the lot. She had long curly hair and a white cowboy hat – she looked like a Patsy Cline clone – have I mentioned yet that she was 80 years old if a day!!! She approached us and asked if she could join our table – well what could we say – we had to agree just for entertainment value!! It was karaoke night and she told us she was doing an Elvis tribute as it was the anniversary of his death – I think she was planning on killing his songs in memory!! She was drinking something called a "paralyser" which looked like a pint of baileys but made up of rum, milk, and something else that escapes me – she told us she never had more than four as she was driving!!!!!!

I could really type pages and pages about my trip but would be here all night and I may be accused of being boring!! – I just want you all to know that the Thompsons are living in a fantastic place, the area is lovely and safe for the kids and they are all really happy. The only problem Bert and Nicki will encounter in the future is trying to persuade the kids to come back to England if and when they decide to.

Anyone who has thought about going – do it – don’t just sit there talking about it because believe me it is well worth it. (Better check with B&N first mind).

I thank all the Thompsons for a wonderful holiday and for making us so welcome and I am just hoping they don’t come back too soon as I am saving for my next trip.

One last thing – all you people who do actually read the blog – please put your comments on so that they know you are out there and know that their hard work is being appreciated.

Julie and Millie Morris (depressed to be back in England)
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

How!

Hiya All!

First of all, well done Julie for taking a stand on the pet stairs . . . just don't go letting the thought of precious pooches breaking limbs in their quest to lie on the sofa keep you awake at night!!

Now to the weekend rodeo. This was a 'First Nations' bash - which put Bert just a tad on edge, and allowed us a rare glimpse of his melodramatic tendancies . . . he insisted I park the car facing the wall (due to the Union Jack plate on the front and the history of Brits in Canada), and was definately on the lookout for spears, arrows and tomahawks!!

We all stood for 'Oh Canada', the 'Star Spangled Banner' and the Tsuu T'Ina Nation Chief chanting a native prayer, accompanied by cowgirls on horseback riding around carrying the appropriate flag . . . at which point Bert finally relaxed, having spotted a Union Jack on the corner of the Tsuu T'Ina nation flag!

This was Bert's first adult rodeo . . . and his face when the 'Steer Wrestling' started was well worth the entrance fee. It's all a bit brutal for me, but I kept myself entertained reading the names of the 'Indian cowboys' (can you get your head around that concept ???) . . . Darrell Many Grey Horses, Kyle Running Rabbit, Winn Bruisedhead, Brent Dodginghorse and Elissa Heavy Runner to name but a few. Winn Bruisedhead won easily, with little more than a bruised butt . . . I wonder if that entitles him to a name change???

The 'Pow-Wow' was fantastic. It was a genuine First Nations gathering held in a big tepee. The native dances, costumes (masses of eagle feathers), drumming and chanting were fabulous . . . really worthwhile seeing. I absolutely loved it. We all left very happy, with our scalps intact and no arrows in the tyres.

Slideshow nicked from t'internet: http://community.webshots.com/slideshow/82990349zsAbti

We've had some cloud today . . . a welcome relief . . . it has been the hottest July since 1960! The average temp has been 28 degrees, so our long-awaited 'sod' at the front has been well and truly scorched. Oh for a good downpour . . . . maybe they did a rain dance at the pow-wow?!?

Katie is back on Friday, bringing with her Julie, Millie, gravy granules and Minstrels (the chocolate variety, not medieval musicians), and I'm off to clean windows in their honour.

I hear August is looking good for you folk across the pond . . . so happy sun-worshipping!

Love and hugs, Nicki xxx

Keeping In Trim In Trim

I'm back. I've spent the last 5 weeks working silly hours (3.00pm to 02.00am, 6 days a week) in the Trim dept at work. I've been shattered. It has had it's benefits though ..... I've lost over a stone!!

My belt has moved 2 holes back and I've had to buy jeans with a smaller waist! I did want to lose weight, but this wasn't what I planned. I'd get to bed at 3.00am and wake at 5.00am aching all over. Anyway it's done now and I'm back to normal hours (8.00am to 5.00pm), let's just hope it stays off.

I have threated to blog a few times recently, but when discussing the subject matter with Nicki I've had the inevitable 'that's a bit boring don't you think?' reply, so I haven't bothered.

Prepare to be bored senseless.

It's now almost 6 months that we've been here; the worrying part is that things that seemed odd then don't any more. We went to an Indian Rodeo and Pow-Wow yesterday ..... Sunday's watching Steer wrestling and Calf roping just seems so normal. Every now and again though something catches my eye (generally TV ads) that makes me think WHAT!!!

Pet stairs!! ..... you buy some carpeted steps that help your dog climb on the sofa or bed!! Saves the poor flea ridden pooch having to jump up onto your furniture, hey? The 4 step one's on offer for just under £80 so if you're interested you could always ask Julie to bring some back with her.

Here's a link: http://www.luckypetfurniture.com/petsteps1.html

There are also a couple of fishing rods advertised that take some believing. There's the 'Pen' and the 'Rocket' ..... one's a tiny telescopic one that fits in your top pocket and the other launches this massive float miles into the water causing a massive splash. Unbelievable. I can just imagine the reaction of other anglers if you used one at a UK fishery.

Links: http://www.gizmoandwidget.com/index.php?main_page=popup_image&pID=266&zenid=df41ebd56ebf5f79fbf73f392b40b749

https://www.spindirect.com/product.php?productid=16174&s=rocket&sessid=b18863004251827dba9d4c61433c110b

Those hail stones last week were something else!! Friends of ours saved some so we'll put a pic on when Katie returns with our camera.

Now that I've cured your insomnia I'll go.

Love to all.

Bert xx

Some recent pics are on-line here:
http://www.photobox.co.uk/slideshow?album_id=26915162

Great Balls Of Ice!

Hiya All !

Well, we have managed to disprove the theory that bigger is better . . . bigger hailstones are not too impressive, believe me!

We had a fab day in Kananaskis Country last Sunday . . . toasting marshmallows, paddling in the river, admiring the majestic mountains, drinking cans of lager (that would be Bert, not the kids) . . . all topped off with a loud sing-a-long to 'All You Need Is Love' in the car. Perfect. Then a quick trip to Walmart to buy new balcony furniture, minimal 'flat-pack-assembly-ranting-and-stress' (wonders will never cease), and a celebratory sit down to appreciate said furniture. Closely followed, as you might expect, by black clouds rolling in and a severe weather warning.

'Severe' was pretty on the button, as descriptions of weather go. I have never seen anything like it in all my life. The marble sized hail was on the dramatic side, but then it stepped up a gear and pelted us with golf-ball . . . and the odd tennis-ball . . . sized lumps of ice!!! Some were 4 inches in diameter, according to the paper. We got off lightly with a hole in a piece of our siding . . . my friend lives out on an acreage, and her entire house looks like it has been machine-gunned!!! Adeles friends had just arrived in their new hire car - which couldn't be rescued without risking a fatality - and is now sporting multiple dents in the roof and bonnet. A neighbour had the car windshield smashed, the local car dealership has had pretty much his entire stock trashed, and the golf course is full of pot holes. You see . . . modesty in all things . . . a far better plan!

Of course, this brief-but-dramatic storm was a mere blip in our glorious weather . . . 25 degrees minimum for the next fortnight, with the occasional sneak into the 30's. Lots of sitting in the shade, swimming in the river and cooling off at the sprinkler park has been called for. Are we having plenty of sun in the UK ?????

Bert is back on days so is a much happier bunny, Katie is on Wirral (not getting much wear out of all her new sun-tops), the kids are having a ball, and I got 2 questions right on 'Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader' . . . so all is well with the world!! Of course, we wish you could all be here, soaking up a few rays and chilling on the balcony . . . so do drop us a line and let us know what we are missing back in Blighty.

Lots of love and hugs, Nicki xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Local rag write up: http://cgi.bowesonline.com/pedro.php?id=61&x=story&xid=325140

http://cgi.bowesonline.com/pedro.php?id=61&x=story&xid=323834

Culture Vultures

Howdee Folks !

Well, we've stepped up the culture immersion with a night at the rodeo. . .yeehaa!! A lot like you'd expect really . . . mad bulls and funny walks (can't do your nether regions much good - no wonder they all limp out of the arena !!). Steer wrestling was interesting . . . the steer goes hell-for-leather out of the gate,cowboy catches up,takes the bull by the horns (literally) mid gallop, and wrestles it to the ground. Why would you??? Chuck wagon racing was a highlight for the locals . . . lots of audience participation by way of foot stomping, whooping and hollerin' (we're getting with the lingo now). Beats TV any night.

Went to Banff with Audrey on Sunday. We stopped for a picnic and were joined by a dozen ground squirrels all shouting "where's mine?" (or words to that effect).The crusts went down well, so Katie got close enough for a photo without one of them going for her jugular (remember the squirrel scene in 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory'??). Anyway, managed to get Audrey up the mountain in a cable car . . . and she regained the power of speech pretty quickly, all things considered! Tea is a wonderful thing.

Off to soccer tonight with Hannah. I sat in the car last week to avoid the blizzard -white fluff off some bizzare trees. The whole town was covered in it. One pre-school Mum was so fed up she vacuumed the lawn!(mad, obviously). Anyway, Hannah scored a hat-trick on Saturday so Bert is a happy, smiley bunny. Bless.

Well, that's all folks. Thanks for the messages, Victoria . . . you are a star (is everyone else print-phobic???).

Love and hugs to everyone, Nicki xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Babies and Bunnies

Hiya! (Katie here),

The picture is of Miss Daisy's new baby. Her name is Danya-Marie and she's lovely, she is 2 weeks old. I do lots of babysitting for Daisy. She also has two boys called Daxton, who is 4, and Davon, who is 2. I love looking after them. There are little children all over the place so I'm always being asked to babysit. It's great, I earn a lot.

I'm going to England on July 8th (my 15th birthday!!!!) and I come back on August 3rd. I've planned to do loads with my friends and I can't wait! :) I fly over with my Nana, and I come back with Julie and Millie - they are staying for two weeks :)

I decided Highwood High wasn't for me, so next year I'm being home schooled! There's a building beside the High School called Education Plus, I will be assigned a teacher, and every week I go in to get my work. Home-schooling is very common here, people love it because it's so flexible. You go in for tests and field trips, so you do meet up with other home-schoolers. Mum has an English friend with 14 and 16 year old home-schooled daughters so we will be meeting up with them.

Two weeks ago we got 2 baby rabbits. They are very cute. Mine is called Charlie and Eleanor's is called Lola. Charlie is brown and Lola is black. They are 7 weeks old and very wriggly!

That's all my news ! Looking forward to seeing lots of people in England.

Lots of love, Katie xox.

Crazed Canadians!

Hiya all !

Bert is on nights and tv is complete garbage (am I missing much on Big Brother???) so thought I'd share a couple of strange events with you.

Went to a 'Fashion Show' (allegedly) with friends. Picking up the tickets was a hint of things to come . . . 'Kirsten' was a good 6 feet tall and of dubious genetic make-up. . . "It's going to be awesome?" she(?) boomed down at me.
Alarm bells were already ringing. Plus it was in Black Diamond (remember Marv?). But God loves a trier, so off we all went.
Fashion ???? Think 'Quality Seconds' reject rail. Mind you, we did have 'Miss Alberta Rodeo' as the celebrity guest. How many cowboy hats and shades of denim does that woman own ??? Of course, being a 'fashion' show, a lot of the denim had sequins sewn on . . . made all the difference, I can tell you.
But the real star of the night was Kirsten, who kindly treated us to a slide show (12 foot screen) of her personal photo shoots (there are many) and her 'rags to riches' story, before making a triumphant appearance on stage . . . having squeezed her ample (seriously enhanced) body into a bright pink Barbie doll number (she was probably aiming for Marilyn Monroe . . . she achieved Diana Dors in her latter years). It took us a while to regain the power of speech. Different !

Follow link for Miss Rodeo finalists: http://www.canadianfinalsrodeo.ca/documents/2007MissRodeoCanadaContestants.pdf

Today the pre-school teacher was off, so Lucy was 'sub' - with Cheryl and I 'helping' - when over the tannoy comes "This is a lock-down. All teachers must lock-down immediately" . . . what !?! We gathered we should probably lock the door . . . but no key. Must be one of the self-locking ones where you push and turn the handle . . . guess who had to risk the crazed gunman and stand outside the room to see if they could lock it ?? Anyway, they couldn't, so we phoned the office and they told us to hold the door shut and keep the kids away from the windows !! Good grief.
You'll be pleased to know it was just a practice.
Hannah says their lights go out and they have to stand in the corner, silent, while people rattle the door and try to get in. . . and if you're in the corridor and locked out, you go to the loo and lock yourself in a cubicle with your feet off the ground !!!
Couldn't they just lock the front door ???

Well, that's enough weirdness for one blog. Let me know how you're all doing !
Love and hugs, Nicki xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Big Boyz Toyz

Who was it that coined the phrase 'Size Doesn't Matter'? Certainly not a Canadian! Over here big is better, and even bigger is even better.

Now that the sun's out so are the RV's (whacking, great caravans), BBQ's and Harley Davidson's . . . all monsters.
Some of the BBQs are the size of a Smart Car and the RV's are like removal vans. My little British gas BBQ won't be coming out of the garage; I'd be the talk of the town (and to think Chris Roberts was desperate for it when we loaded the container .... sorry Chris).

BBQ (or Grilling as they call it here) is definately a man thing; there are even tv programmes called 'Boy Meets Grill' and 'Licence To Grill.' I've thought of writing to them to suggest one for city folk who love to BBQ - 'Urban Grillers' . . . bound to be a huge hit . . . or maybe 'Cheap Grills' if they wanted to pop round to use ours ?

The downside to the sun coming out is the Mosquitos!! ( and we're talking mega mozzies here, naturally . . . in keeping with the 'bigger is better' ethos) They seem to like English meat .... my hand is like a boxing glove. We've stocked up on repellent so fingers crossed my Elephant Man impression is a one off.

I've been here over 3 months now and miss some things about the UK so much. Things you take for granted.

Newspapers - They're 90% adverts and 10% garbage out here.
English Humour - Canadians do have humour ..... just very different.
English TV - I was critical of UK TV when I lived there .... I take it all back.
Sainsbury's Onion Bagels - I'm like Pavlov's dog writing this.
Gravy Granules - Sorted now my Mum's here.
Beer in 500ml cans - Here they're 355ml and twice the price.
Public Transport - There's none here in High River. Nothing.
Thursday Nights - Oh for beer and laughs.
Friday Nights - (Nicki added that one - hiya Ange!)
The Sea - We're a 15 hour drive from the coast.
Thingwall Chippy - Chicken Curry & Fried Rice (Pavlov again).
Mail Delivered - We have to trek to a box at the end of the road.

Had a bizzare haircut in Calgary today from a mad Turk. He never moved an inch ..... spun the chair around instead !!! It was like being on the Waltzers. Then when he finished he got rid of the hair from my shoulders with a hairdryer. Would've been OK if I'd have been expecting it, but I was facing the other way and nearly had heart failure!

Anyway, that's me done. Love to all.

Bert (aka John Merrick)

Bucking Madness

Well, we've had our first taste of rodeo . . . good grief !!! 'Little Britches' was on last weekend. We had the parade first - Hannah on the school float in Western gear. Typical British Bank Holiday stuff . . . two weeks of fab weather ended, rain and cold set in. By 1.30 in the afternoon . . . rodeo time . . . we had arctic gales, sleet and sub zero temp. We set off regardless, trekking through a mud-bath and into the 3 thousand seater stadium with the half-dozen other fools - British descent, no doubt - displaying the Dunkirk spirit. It got off to an interesting start . . . 3 year olds chasing a flock of sheep round a muddy pen, losing wellies left, right and centre, trying to grab a label off a woolly back. Then we had calf roping . . . under 16's lassooing the poor little babies, jumping off horses and flinging them down in the mud - all in under 4 seconds ! The calves stood more of a sporting chance with the under 12's . . . lots of rope twirling and galloping around, no actual ropes around necks, smug little calves trotting off after the 30 second limit - much nicer. The real jaw-dropper was the 6 to 9 year old 'Junior Calf Riding' . . . not 2 week old tiddler calves either, big beasts with attitude (and a rope around the nether regions just to make sure they were really mad) . . . out of the 'shoot', small child clinging on for dear life - for 2 seconds - before being hurled into the mud, narrowly avoiding a broken neck and a hoof shaped dent in the head !!!

At 6 ! Incredible what passes for entertainment in these parts. Anyway, had to leave before 'Mutton Busting' (3 to 8's clinging on to sheep for a gallop round a muddy field) as we were on the verge of hyperthermia. So my enthusiasm for the Calgary Stampede is waning . . . if that was the kiddy version . . . !!!

You'll be pleased to hear the sun re-appeared the moment the Bank Holiday ended . . . not just a British phenomena, after all. Audrey arrived safely and has already had a close encounter with the local wildlife . . . an eagle on a fence post right by us, tucking into a gopher. Lovely.

Well, off to hit the mall. Are we missing much on the home-front ?

Love and hugs and kisses to all, Nicki and tribe xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Short clip of the Junior Calf Riding winner at link below (it's a bit naff due to wind and zoom, but you'll get the picture): http://media.putfile.com/Bucking-Madness

Canadian Telecommunications - Load Of Old Tosh

Pic taken in Banff; click on it to enlarge.

We're having problems at the minute with e-mail as our ISP out here is dire (either that or we are a real 'Billy No Mates' family). In future could you all cc e-mails to planetbedlam@hotmail.com as well?

We've also set up an on-line photo album.

Save link below to your favourites as we'll update it regularly:

http://www.photobox.co.uk/slideshow?album_id=26323140

Please pass on links to blog/photo album to people who know us ....... maybe they'll actually post comments after they've read it!

Howdee Pardners!

We're still alive and well and rockin' an' rollin' down in cowboy country . . . despite a trip to Sheep River, where the road barriers are down because the bears are waking up (we found out on our return) and letting the dog off his lead was a definite no no, he could have led a bear back to us!! Must invest in some pepper spray.

I've been feeling very at one with the world on my way to Walmart . . . the Rockies are stunning, eagles everywhere, a couple of Coyotes ran across the road in front of me, and the gophers are out in force . . . shopping at Asda was never this eventful. Then Lucy and I called into the Ice-cream parlour (50's style seats, juke box) just in time for the owner Marv (small and round, handlebar moustache) to whip off his pinny, grab his guitar, and launch into a medley of 50's favourites! Obviously an everyday occurance for some customers . . . Lucy and I were in the stunned minority. Where is your camcorder when you need it ???

Marv's Website: http://www.marvsclassics.ca/

Katie has started horse riding lessons . . . western style, obviously, but I don't think she has to lasso any calves just yet. Jack has started Art classes . . . such creativity, can't think where he gets it from ??? and Hannah's soccer team won their first 2 matches . . . she scored on Saturday. Way to go, Hannah !!! (a bit of local style warmth and encouragement, there.).

The house is looking more like home, but the garden is more building site than crown green bowls. I can't help feeling faintly ridiculous asking for a quote on 'grass sod for my yard.'

Anyone looking for a gap in the market might want to ship out a container full of gravy granules (I know, I should make my own . . . but at least I mash my own potatoes!). They haven't quite grasped the concept of Sunday papers either . . . oh for a soak in my Jacuzzi 'soaker tub' with the Sunday supplement !!!

You'll be glad to know the sun is shining, a million frogs have moved into the lake (hours of fun for Jack and Hannah) and the Canadian geese are flocking back. How's the glorious UK ? It's all gone quiet over there with the weather updates . . . . not raining by any chance ????

Looking forward to hearing from you all.

Love and hugs, Nicki xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS. Have tried leaping over the carpet by the back door, but still positively charged and zapped on a regular basis. Thanks for trying Tanner!

I Met Dora - Be Jealous!

Heyy,

I felt left out with this blogging business so i decided to put my bit in!

A quick glimpse of life at Highwood High. My first day was a nightmare, my science teacher went out of his way to make me feel unwelcome with his "I don't know what i'm going to do with you!" quip, but now after speaking to others I know that's just him. With a bit of luck i won't have him next year - fingers crossed. My other teachers are really lovely - they made me feel really welcome. I'm given loads more homework but being able to wear my own clothes is good. Teachers here are really laid back, there's no shouting and a lot more positive comments - "awesome!" "way to go!" "good job!". Names are very different too - Montana, Quinton, Clay!

The weather here hasn't made its mind up, it can be sunny one day and snowy the next. I think spring is finally here now, the sun is out a lot more - yay!

I love our house, its huge! My bedroom is twice the size of my old one and i have a walk-in closet too - only a little smaller than my last bedroom! I also love having a big field at the back of the house - and a lake. The grass needs to go green now!!

Hannah and Jack's music teacher - Miss Daisy - lives opposite us. She is having a baby in June, and has asked me to babysit. I'm really excited :)

Today we went into Calgary, there was an agriculture show. I met my hero - Dora the Explorer ! - and got a lot of funny looks as everyone else who had their picture taken with her was about 4! :)

Love Katie xox.

High Hopes Of Sun In High River

Hiya All !

Thank you so much for the many emails telling us just how boiling hot it is back in the UK . . . tarmac melting, sunstroke, drought . . . I get the picture. (Heatwave guaranteed whenever we leave the country!) Not to be outdone it was fab here last weekend. I even rushed out and bought patio furniture for the deck . . . . kiss of death, naturally. Covered with an inch of snow the next morning. It's like living in a Christmas card. Still, back up into double figures now. . . and I'll be sure to send regular updates during the long, hot summer!

Gold star to Victoria for solving the sunflower seed mystery! Any idea why there's a scary amount of static??? You take your life in your hands with metal door handles. . . just as well I haven't got a pacemaker!

I started work this week. . . classroom aide. There's no waiting to see if you're a maniac because you're only 3 . . . it's straight into the psychologist chair at the first sign of a disruptive streak, a truck-load of assessments, full IEP and a personal aide in pre-school !! You need to address your anger and express your emotions calmly . . . could be a problem for your average UK adult male?!?

It was 'open house' weekend for a few local builders. . . a great opportunity to contrast and compare showhomes against ours (not as good, obviously) and generally be really nosey. The first salesman offered us donuts and cakes - "No thanks, we're fine" said Bert . . . as the kids got stuck in behind him. No such reservations at the next house . . . full blown bbq on offer! The mother of all hotdogs later and we could barely move.The kids wanted to look round another house in case they did ice-cream !

The garden is still a building site. No doubt Mr Campbell (builder) will be round with his bobcat . . . sometime in the next 6 months. Nobody's in any kind of a hurry . . . it's worse than Spain.

Shock, horror story in the local paper . . . valuables have been taken from cars! Not just the UK then, you might think . . . until you read on . . . "people are being advised to lock their cars, especially overnight" !! All the houses being built are left open (yes, I have been in) . . . whirlpool baths propped against the wall, new windows stacked in the garden. It all brings out the scouser in Bert - he keeps telling me it'd all be in the back of a transit back home. Should I be concerned about his criminal mentality??

Well, that's me for this week. Loads of love to one and all. Nicki xxxxxxxxxxxx

High River Website: www.highriver.ca

Low-down On The Hoedown

Well another week over and blog material is coming thick and fast.

On Friday I risked a visit to the spit 'n' sawdust Saloon Bar (The River Roadhouse) with my mate Chris. A bit disappointing that they didn't have swing doors, but the washrooms being signed 'Cowboys' and 'Cowgirls' made up for it. It was like being dropped into a Western film set as a comedy extra! Dungerees, denim, Cowboy boots, baseball caps, checked shirts, the lot, and you could cut through the smoke with a knife. As the resident C&W band launched into their first song (Redneck Girl), I just knew it would be a night to remember.

The beer flowed and people started buying massive jugs of Monkey nuts . . . dropping all the empty shells on the floor. I was about to comment to Chris how bizzare it was when he ordered a jug!! My mate, primate.

The night moved on and it got busier and busier. The dancing started ..... very Blackpool Tower tea-dance, but without the glad rags. I'm sure Kenny Rogers was in there ..... or was it Father Christmas? Very entertaining. If any of you make it out to see us I'll make sure an evening at The River Madhouse is on the agenda. You'll love it.

Droopy muzzies are very popular out here and a certain song jumps into my head every time I see one. I just had to dig it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqOKvonLrH8

TV out here is bobbins, 70 odd channels of nothing (although they do show 3 Premiership games live every Saturday). As an alternative I thought I'd buy a magazine to read. Funniest experience yet!! Titles included Popular Hot Rodding, 8 Lug Diesel Truck, Street Rodder, Rodz, Log Home Living, Guns and Weapons and Traditional Bowhunter. I must admit that I was half tempted by Man's Guide To Grilling. Is it just me or do some of these sound like they belong on the top shelf?

Updates should be more regular now we're settled so make sure you keep dipping in.

Bert xx

Return Of The Super Hero

I'm back. Nicki did my head in with the 'anorack' jibe, but I've got over it and put my dummy back in. I'm now rarin' to blog.

Whatever we end up doing in the future we're all glad that we've embarked on this experience. This place is wacky!!

We took Hannah and Jack swimming today and whilst there I ventured down to the Curling rink... as you do. On the door there was a sign that said 'Sunflower seeds are prohibited in this area.' !!!! Why!?! Answers on a postcard.

I'm feeling pretty inferior without a big truck! Fortunately size doesn't matter in the UK. :)

Cowboy boots, checked shirts, leather bomber jackets and baseball caps are so obviously missing from my wardrobe ..... resisting temptation at the minute, but you never know. When I start to consider facial hair I'll book a flight home (calm down, calm down).

Getting to grips with the lingo; chips are fries, crisps are chips, the boot is a trunk, the garden is a yard, rubbish is garbage, the garage is the gas station and a bag is a purse. Suspenders are not nearly as exciting as they are back home (rock on Tommy), and don't panic when your youngest daughter asks you if you know what a 'period' is .... it's a full stop.

We've changed Dylan's name to Shawn after his visit to 'Cozy Cutz' . . . the words 'pigs' and 'ear' spring to mind. He's too embarrassed to go out. Quick trim with a blunt instrument, anyone ???? He'd be glad of facial hair! We'll have to get him a balaclava.

Before I left the UK 'random' and 'apparently' were the new buzz words; here it's 'awesome' and 'alrighty' (with a 'd'). If anyone ever hears me use these words slap me very hard.

Alrighty then, that's me done. You guys have a really great day now.

Please post comments so that we know that we're not all alone in the Wild West.

Anorackman xx

The Chris reincarnation failed, so Bert it is on my non super hero days.

News From Cowboy Country

Hi y'all !!!

Still haven't sussed this blogging business, but Bert has abandoned it (after a kind and helpful comment that he was being a bit 'anoraky' . . . who could take offense at that ????) so here I am.

We are getting into the swing of things now . . . remembering to check the mail box at the end of the road (most days), not looking too embarrassed when the little man at Sobeys (supermarket) trundles behind me with little cart and loads my shopping into the 'trunk', waving the kids off on the bright yellow school bus (no seat belts!), buying shampoo,milk and mayo by the gallon. The locals seem to genuinely want you to 'have a really great day, now!', so we're doing our best to oblige.

The furniture arrived - finally. Can't fill the house, obviously . . . far too huge. Might have to bring the whirlpool bath back with us . . . fantastic, and plenty of room for 2 !! Did a lot of grumbling about the price of washing machines, but it has arrived . . . and is the Sherman Tank of all washing machines (obviously bigger is better in North America).

No such thing as Health and Safety . . . no bump notes from school despite the mother of all grazes (cream applied, plasters offered . . . sharp intakes of breath from all you teachers out there!), a Tarzan rope for launching yourself into the local swimming pool, one small man to deliver a 240lb awning to a friend!, mega playground with rope swings at school - use as you like. Fab.

Teachers don't shout (ever) and we are all respecting each others feelings. Feel the warmth. The kids can offer a rousing rendition of 'O,Canada' ( "now sing the National Anthem" . . . blank faces all round. Shouldn't we be campaigning for morning recital in school, whilst gazing at the Union Jack?)

Locals are great ("I have a cousin in Aberdeen, do you know her?") and big trucks are the order of the day (in a male "mine's bigger than yours" kind of way.)

There are loads of Brits, so plenty of opportunity to chat (phew!).

We've been to the zoo (twice), the Tower, Banff (fab) and Edmonton (drab). Head-smashed-in Buffalo Jump was different, and in Nanton you are expecting the sheriff and his posse to come galloping round the corner - just ahead of the tumbleweed.
Anyway, off to Banff again today. Rodeo tomorrow . . . watch this space !

Banff Website: http://www.banff.com/

Missing y'all. Love the messages . . .keep it up! (ignore Bert's little identity crisis . . . normality reigns at home.)

Photos to follow. Love and hugs to all, Nicki and the gang xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

First Impressions - A Chris (Bert No More) Perspective

In life I’ve always been led to believe that there are 2 ways of doing things; an easy way and a hard way. After living here for a month I’ve realised there’s a third …… The Canadian Way!!

Basically it’s the hard way with a bit more red tape thrown in.

I’ll use the example of buying a car to give you all an idea.
When I first got here it was –20 degrees, so trailing round on Shanks’ pony wasn’t much fun. On my first morning here I got Lucy (Chris’s wife) to drop me in town on her way to work so I could look for a car. Town to the garage is about a mile. Twenty minutes (and frozen ears) later I arrived and chose one. Sorted.
Little did I know!! I couldn’t buy it until I had a Canadian driving licence. Out came the just thawed legs, feet and ears for a mile hike back to town. (Chris Roberts had said that he’d get me a couple of tennis racquets as a leaving gift; I could’ve done with them).

Got to the Registry Office in town, paid $75 (about £30) to change my licence, then . . . another 20 minute impression of Scott of the Antarctic!

Arriving at the garage with a blue face I finally got the illusive ‘bill of sale.’ So now I could go and get some insurance . . . . back in town, obviously. If only Chris wasn’t so tight!

As the car was cheap and cheerful I only wanted third party; the first quote was $1450 (about £700). Not a prayer. I eventually got it for $490 (about £230). I had my ‘Pink Card.’ Hurrah. Time to go and buy my registration plate - literally – and carry it to the garage! What a ridiculous idea.

Back at the garage the deal was finally done. My very helpful salesman (Duane) even screwed it on for me.

Only in Canada.

Now mobile I could go and get some life essentials. Beer at $40 (£18.00) for 24 small cans!!! I may well be taking a leaf out of my Dad’s book and doing some home brew.