Culture Vultures

Howdee Folks !

Well, we've stepped up the culture immersion with a night at the rodeo. . .yeehaa!! A lot like you'd expect really . . . mad bulls and funny walks (can't do your nether regions much good - no wonder they all limp out of the arena !!). Steer wrestling was interesting . . . the steer goes hell-for-leather out of the gate,cowboy catches up,takes the bull by the horns (literally) mid gallop, and wrestles it to the ground. Why would you??? Chuck wagon racing was a highlight for the locals . . . lots of audience participation by way of foot stomping, whooping and hollerin' (we're getting with the lingo now). Beats TV any night.

Went to Banff with Audrey on Sunday. We stopped for a picnic and were joined by a dozen ground squirrels all shouting "where's mine?" (or words to that effect).The crusts went down well, so Katie got close enough for a photo without one of them going for her jugular (remember the squirrel scene in 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory'??). Anyway, managed to get Audrey up the mountain in a cable car . . . and she regained the power of speech pretty quickly, all things considered! Tea is a wonderful thing.

Off to soccer tonight with Hannah. I sat in the car last week to avoid the blizzard -white fluff off some bizzare trees. The whole town was covered in it. One pre-school Mum was so fed up she vacuumed the lawn!(mad, obviously). Anyway, Hannah scored a hat-trick on Saturday so Bert is a happy, smiley bunny. Bless.

Well, that's all folks. Thanks for the messages, Victoria . . . you are a star (is everyone else print-phobic???).

Love and hugs to everyone, Nicki xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Babies and Bunnies

Hiya! (Katie here),

The picture is of Miss Daisy's new baby. Her name is Danya-Marie and she's lovely, she is 2 weeks old. I do lots of babysitting for Daisy. She also has two boys called Daxton, who is 4, and Davon, who is 2. I love looking after them. There are little children all over the place so I'm always being asked to babysit. It's great, I earn a lot.

I'm going to England on July 8th (my 15th birthday!!!!) and I come back on August 3rd. I've planned to do loads with my friends and I can't wait! :) I fly over with my Nana, and I come back with Julie and Millie - they are staying for two weeks :)

I decided Highwood High wasn't for me, so next year I'm being home schooled! There's a building beside the High School called Education Plus, I will be assigned a teacher, and every week I go in to get my work. Home-schooling is very common here, people love it because it's so flexible. You go in for tests and field trips, so you do meet up with other home-schoolers. Mum has an English friend with 14 and 16 year old home-schooled daughters so we will be meeting up with them.

Two weeks ago we got 2 baby rabbits. They are very cute. Mine is called Charlie and Eleanor's is called Lola. Charlie is brown and Lola is black. They are 7 weeks old and very wriggly!

That's all my news ! Looking forward to seeing lots of people in England.

Lots of love, Katie xox.

Crazed Canadians!

Hiya all !

Bert is on nights and tv is complete garbage (am I missing much on Big Brother???) so thought I'd share a couple of strange events with you.

Went to a 'Fashion Show' (allegedly) with friends. Picking up the tickets was a hint of things to come . . . 'Kirsten' was a good 6 feet tall and of dubious genetic make-up. . . "It's going to be awesome?" she(?) boomed down at me.
Alarm bells were already ringing. Plus it was in Black Diamond (remember Marv?). But God loves a trier, so off we all went.
Fashion ???? Think 'Quality Seconds' reject rail. Mind you, we did have 'Miss Alberta Rodeo' as the celebrity guest. How many cowboy hats and shades of denim does that woman own ??? Of course, being a 'fashion' show, a lot of the denim had sequins sewn on . . . made all the difference, I can tell you.
But the real star of the night was Kirsten, who kindly treated us to a slide show (12 foot screen) of her personal photo shoots (there are many) and her 'rags to riches' story, before making a triumphant appearance on stage . . . having squeezed her ample (seriously enhanced) body into a bright pink Barbie doll number (she was probably aiming for Marilyn Monroe . . . she achieved Diana Dors in her latter years). It took us a while to regain the power of speech. Different !

Follow link for Miss Rodeo finalists: http://www.canadianfinalsrodeo.ca/documents/2007MissRodeoCanadaContestants.pdf

Today the pre-school teacher was off, so Lucy was 'sub' - with Cheryl and I 'helping' - when over the tannoy comes "This is a lock-down. All teachers must lock-down immediately" . . . what !?! We gathered we should probably lock the door . . . but no key. Must be one of the self-locking ones where you push and turn the handle . . . guess who had to risk the crazed gunman and stand outside the room to see if they could lock it ?? Anyway, they couldn't, so we phoned the office and they told us to hold the door shut and keep the kids away from the windows !! Good grief.
You'll be pleased to know it was just a practice.
Hannah says their lights go out and they have to stand in the corner, silent, while people rattle the door and try to get in. . . and if you're in the corridor and locked out, you go to the loo and lock yourself in a cubicle with your feet off the ground !!!
Couldn't they just lock the front door ???

Well, that's enough weirdness for one blog. Let me know how you're all doing !
Love and hugs, Nicki xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Big Boyz Toyz

Who was it that coined the phrase 'Size Doesn't Matter'? Certainly not a Canadian! Over here big is better, and even bigger is even better.

Now that the sun's out so are the RV's (whacking, great caravans), BBQ's and Harley Davidson's . . . all monsters.
Some of the BBQs are the size of a Smart Car and the RV's are like removal vans. My little British gas BBQ won't be coming out of the garage; I'd be the talk of the town (and to think Chris Roberts was desperate for it when we loaded the container .... sorry Chris).

BBQ (or Grilling as they call it here) is definately a man thing; there are even tv programmes called 'Boy Meets Grill' and 'Licence To Grill.' I've thought of writing to them to suggest one for city folk who love to BBQ - 'Urban Grillers' . . . bound to be a huge hit . . . or maybe 'Cheap Grills' if they wanted to pop round to use ours ?

The downside to the sun coming out is the Mosquitos!! ( and we're talking mega mozzies here, naturally . . . in keeping with the 'bigger is better' ethos) They seem to like English meat .... my hand is like a boxing glove. We've stocked up on repellent so fingers crossed my Elephant Man impression is a one off.

I've been here over 3 months now and miss some things about the UK so much. Things you take for granted.

Newspapers - They're 90% adverts and 10% garbage out here.
English Humour - Canadians do have humour ..... just very different.
English TV - I was critical of UK TV when I lived there .... I take it all back.
Sainsbury's Onion Bagels - I'm like Pavlov's dog writing this.
Gravy Granules - Sorted now my Mum's here.
Beer in 500ml cans - Here they're 355ml and twice the price.
Public Transport - There's none here in High River. Nothing.
Thursday Nights - Oh for beer and laughs.
Friday Nights - (Nicki added that one - hiya Ange!)
The Sea - We're a 15 hour drive from the coast.
Thingwall Chippy - Chicken Curry & Fried Rice (Pavlov again).
Mail Delivered - We have to trek to a box at the end of the road.

Had a bizzare haircut in Calgary today from a mad Turk. He never moved an inch ..... spun the chair around instead !!! It was like being on the Waltzers. Then when he finished he got rid of the hair from my shoulders with a hairdryer. Would've been OK if I'd have been expecting it, but I was facing the other way and nearly had heart failure!

Anyway, that's me done. Love to all.

Bert (aka John Merrick)

Bucking Madness

Well, we've had our first taste of rodeo . . . good grief !!! 'Little Britches' was on last weekend. We had the parade first - Hannah on the school float in Western gear. Typical British Bank Holiday stuff . . . two weeks of fab weather ended, rain and cold set in. By 1.30 in the afternoon . . . rodeo time . . . we had arctic gales, sleet and sub zero temp. We set off regardless, trekking through a mud-bath and into the 3 thousand seater stadium with the half-dozen other fools - British descent, no doubt - displaying the Dunkirk spirit. It got off to an interesting start . . . 3 year olds chasing a flock of sheep round a muddy pen, losing wellies left, right and centre, trying to grab a label off a woolly back. Then we had calf roping . . . under 16's lassooing the poor little babies, jumping off horses and flinging them down in the mud - all in under 4 seconds ! The calves stood more of a sporting chance with the under 12's . . . lots of rope twirling and galloping around, no actual ropes around necks, smug little calves trotting off after the 30 second limit - much nicer. The real jaw-dropper was the 6 to 9 year old 'Junior Calf Riding' . . . not 2 week old tiddler calves either, big beasts with attitude (and a rope around the nether regions just to make sure they were really mad) . . . out of the 'shoot', small child clinging on for dear life - for 2 seconds - before being hurled into the mud, narrowly avoiding a broken neck and a hoof shaped dent in the head !!!

At 6 ! Incredible what passes for entertainment in these parts. Anyway, had to leave before 'Mutton Busting' (3 to 8's clinging on to sheep for a gallop round a muddy field) as we were on the verge of hyperthermia. So my enthusiasm for the Calgary Stampede is waning . . . if that was the kiddy version . . . !!!

You'll be pleased to hear the sun re-appeared the moment the Bank Holiday ended . . . not just a British phenomena, after all. Audrey arrived safely and has already had a close encounter with the local wildlife . . . an eagle on a fence post right by us, tucking into a gopher. Lovely.

Well, off to hit the mall. Are we missing much on the home-front ?

Love and hugs and kisses to all, Nicki and tribe xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Short clip of the Junior Calf Riding winner at link below (it's a bit naff due to wind and zoom, but you'll get the picture): http://media.putfile.com/Bucking-Madness

Canadian Telecommunications - Load Of Old Tosh

Pic taken in Banff; click on it to enlarge.

We're having problems at the minute with e-mail as our ISP out here is dire (either that or we are a real 'Billy No Mates' family). In future could you all cc e-mails to planetbedlam@hotmail.com as well?

We've also set up an on-line photo album.

Save link below to your favourites as we'll update it regularly:

http://www.photobox.co.uk/slideshow?album_id=26323140

Please pass on links to blog/photo album to people who know us ....... maybe they'll actually post comments after they've read it!

Howdee Pardners!

We're still alive and well and rockin' an' rollin' down in cowboy country . . . despite a trip to Sheep River, where the road barriers are down because the bears are waking up (we found out on our return) and letting the dog off his lead was a definite no no, he could have led a bear back to us!! Must invest in some pepper spray.

I've been feeling very at one with the world on my way to Walmart . . . the Rockies are stunning, eagles everywhere, a couple of Coyotes ran across the road in front of me, and the gophers are out in force . . . shopping at Asda was never this eventful. Then Lucy and I called into the Ice-cream parlour (50's style seats, juke box) just in time for the owner Marv (small and round, handlebar moustache) to whip off his pinny, grab his guitar, and launch into a medley of 50's favourites! Obviously an everyday occurance for some customers . . . Lucy and I were in the stunned minority. Where is your camcorder when you need it ???

Marv's Website: http://www.marvsclassics.ca/

Katie has started horse riding lessons . . . western style, obviously, but I don't think she has to lasso any calves just yet. Jack has started Art classes . . . such creativity, can't think where he gets it from ??? and Hannah's soccer team won their first 2 matches . . . she scored on Saturday. Way to go, Hannah !!! (a bit of local style warmth and encouragement, there.).

The house is looking more like home, but the garden is more building site than crown green bowls. I can't help feeling faintly ridiculous asking for a quote on 'grass sod for my yard.'

Anyone looking for a gap in the market might want to ship out a container full of gravy granules (I know, I should make my own . . . but at least I mash my own potatoes!). They haven't quite grasped the concept of Sunday papers either . . . oh for a soak in my Jacuzzi 'soaker tub' with the Sunday supplement !!!

You'll be glad to know the sun is shining, a million frogs have moved into the lake (hours of fun for Jack and Hannah) and the Canadian geese are flocking back. How's the glorious UK ? It's all gone quiet over there with the weather updates . . . . not raining by any chance ????

Looking forward to hearing from you all.

Love and hugs, Nicki xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS. Have tried leaping over the carpet by the back door, but still positively charged and zapped on a regular basis. Thanks for trying Tanner!

I Met Dora - Be Jealous!

Heyy,

I felt left out with this blogging business so i decided to put my bit in!

A quick glimpse of life at Highwood High. My first day was a nightmare, my science teacher went out of his way to make me feel unwelcome with his "I don't know what i'm going to do with you!" quip, but now after speaking to others I know that's just him. With a bit of luck i won't have him next year - fingers crossed. My other teachers are really lovely - they made me feel really welcome. I'm given loads more homework but being able to wear my own clothes is good. Teachers here are really laid back, there's no shouting and a lot more positive comments - "awesome!" "way to go!" "good job!". Names are very different too - Montana, Quinton, Clay!

The weather here hasn't made its mind up, it can be sunny one day and snowy the next. I think spring is finally here now, the sun is out a lot more - yay!

I love our house, its huge! My bedroom is twice the size of my old one and i have a walk-in closet too - only a little smaller than my last bedroom! I also love having a big field at the back of the house - and a lake. The grass needs to go green now!!

Hannah and Jack's music teacher - Miss Daisy - lives opposite us. She is having a baby in June, and has asked me to babysit. I'm really excited :)

Today we went into Calgary, there was an agriculture show. I met my hero - Dora the Explorer ! - and got a lot of funny looks as everyone else who had their picture taken with her was about 4! :)

Love Katie xox.

High Hopes Of Sun In High River

Hiya All !

Thank you so much for the many emails telling us just how boiling hot it is back in the UK . . . tarmac melting, sunstroke, drought . . . I get the picture. (Heatwave guaranteed whenever we leave the country!) Not to be outdone it was fab here last weekend. I even rushed out and bought patio furniture for the deck . . . . kiss of death, naturally. Covered with an inch of snow the next morning. It's like living in a Christmas card. Still, back up into double figures now. . . and I'll be sure to send regular updates during the long, hot summer!

Gold star to Victoria for solving the sunflower seed mystery! Any idea why there's a scary amount of static??? You take your life in your hands with metal door handles. . . just as well I haven't got a pacemaker!

I started work this week. . . classroom aide. There's no waiting to see if you're a maniac because you're only 3 . . . it's straight into the psychologist chair at the first sign of a disruptive streak, a truck-load of assessments, full IEP and a personal aide in pre-school !! You need to address your anger and express your emotions calmly . . . could be a problem for your average UK adult male?!?

It was 'open house' weekend for a few local builders. . . a great opportunity to contrast and compare showhomes against ours (not as good, obviously) and generally be really nosey. The first salesman offered us donuts and cakes - "No thanks, we're fine" said Bert . . . as the kids got stuck in behind him. No such reservations at the next house . . . full blown bbq on offer! The mother of all hotdogs later and we could barely move.The kids wanted to look round another house in case they did ice-cream !

The garden is still a building site. No doubt Mr Campbell (builder) will be round with his bobcat . . . sometime in the next 6 months. Nobody's in any kind of a hurry . . . it's worse than Spain.

Shock, horror story in the local paper . . . valuables have been taken from cars! Not just the UK then, you might think . . . until you read on . . . "people are being advised to lock their cars, especially overnight" !! All the houses being built are left open (yes, I have been in) . . . whirlpool baths propped against the wall, new windows stacked in the garden. It all brings out the scouser in Bert - he keeps telling me it'd all be in the back of a transit back home. Should I be concerned about his criminal mentality??

Well, that's me for this week. Loads of love to one and all. Nicki xxxxxxxxxxxx

High River Website: www.highriver.ca

Low-down On The Hoedown

Well another week over and blog material is coming thick and fast.

On Friday I risked a visit to the spit 'n' sawdust Saloon Bar (The River Roadhouse) with my mate Chris. A bit disappointing that they didn't have swing doors, but the washrooms being signed 'Cowboys' and 'Cowgirls' made up for it. It was like being dropped into a Western film set as a comedy extra! Dungerees, denim, Cowboy boots, baseball caps, checked shirts, the lot, and you could cut through the smoke with a knife. As the resident C&W band launched into their first song (Redneck Girl), I just knew it would be a night to remember.

The beer flowed and people started buying massive jugs of Monkey nuts . . . dropping all the empty shells on the floor. I was about to comment to Chris how bizzare it was when he ordered a jug!! My mate, primate.

The night moved on and it got busier and busier. The dancing started ..... very Blackpool Tower tea-dance, but without the glad rags. I'm sure Kenny Rogers was in there ..... or was it Father Christmas? Very entertaining. If any of you make it out to see us I'll make sure an evening at The River Madhouse is on the agenda. You'll love it.

Droopy muzzies are very popular out here and a certain song jumps into my head every time I see one. I just had to dig it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqOKvonLrH8

TV out here is bobbins, 70 odd channels of nothing (although they do show 3 Premiership games live every Saturday). As an alternative I thought I'd buy a magazine to read. Funniest experience yet!! Titles included Popular Hot Rodding, 8 Lug Diesel Truck, Street Rodder, Rodz, Log Home Living, Guns and Weapons and Traditional Bowhunter. I must admit that I was half tempted by Man's Guide To Grilling. Is it just me or do some of these sound like they belong on the top shelf?

Updates should be more regular now we're settled so make sure you keep dipping in.

Bert xx

Return Of The Super Hero

I'm back. Nicki did my head in with the 'anorack' jibe, but I've got over it and put my dummy back in. I'm now rarin' to blog.

Whatever we end up doing in the future we're all glad that we've embarked on this experience. This place is wacky!!

We took Hannah and Jack swimming today and whilst there I ventured down to the Curling rink... as you do. On the door there was a sign that said 'Sunflower seeds are prohibited in this area.' !!!! Why!?! Answers on a postcard.

I'm feeling pretty inferior without a big truck! Fortunately size doesn't matter in the UK. :)

Cowboy boots, checked shirts, leather bomber jackets and baseball caps are so obviously missing from my wardrobe ..... resisting temptation at the minute, but you never know. When I start to consider facial hair I'll book a flight home (calm down, calm down).

Getting to grips with the lingo; chips are fries, crisps are chips, the boot is a trunk, the garden is a yard, rubbish is garbage, the garage is the gas station and a bag is a purse. Suspenders are not nearly as exciting as they are back home (rock on Tommy), and don't panic when your youngest daughter asks you if you know what a 'period' is .... it's a full stop.

We've changed Dylan's name to Shawn after his visit to 'Cozy Cutz' . . . the words 'pigs' and 'ear' spring to mind. He's too embarrassed to go out. Quick trim with a blunt instrument, anyone ???? He'd be glad of facial hair! We'll have to get him a balaclava.

Before I left the UK 'random' and 'apparently' were the new buzz words; here it's 'awesome' and 'alrighty' (with a 'd'). If anyone ever hears me use these words slap me very hard.

Alrighty then, that's me done. You guys have a really great day now.

Please post comments so that we know that we're not all alone in the Wild West.

Anorackman xx

The Chris reincarnation failed, so Bert it is on my non super hero days.

News From Cowboy Country

Hi y'all !!!

Still haven't sussed this blogging business, but Bert has abandoned it (after a kind and helpful comment that he was being a bit 'anoraky' . . . who could take offense at that ????) so here I am.

We are getting into the swing of things now . . . remembering to check the mail box at the end of the road (most days), not looking too embarrassed when the little man at Sobeys (supermarket) trundles behind me with little cart and loads my shopping into the 'trunk', waving the kids off on the bright yellow school bus (no seat belts!), buying shampoo,milk and mayo by the gallon. The locals seem to genuinely want you to 'have a really great day, now!', so we're doing our best to oblige.

The furniture arrived - finally. Can't fill the house, obviously . . . far too huge. Might have to bring the whirlpool bath back with us . . . fantastic, and plenty of room for 2 !! Did a lot of grumbling about the price of washing machines, but it has arrived . . . and is the Sherman Tank of all washing machines (obviously bigger is better in North America).

No such thing as Health and Safety . . . no bump notes from school despite the mother of all grazes (cream applied, plasters offered . . . sharp intakes of breath from all you teachers out there!), a Tarzan rope for launching yourself into the local swimming pool, one small man to deliver a 240lb awning to a friend!, mega playground with rope swings at school - use as you like. Fab.

Teachers don't shout (ever) and we are all respecting each others feelings. Feel the warmth. The kids can offer a rousing rendition of 'O,Canada' ( "now sing the National Anthem" . . . blank faces all round. Shouldn't we be campaigning for morning recital in school, whilst gazing at the Union Jack?)

Locals are great ("I have a cousin in Aberdeen, do you know her?") and big trucks are the order of the day (in a male "mine's bigger than yours" kind of way.)

There are loads of Brits, so plenty of opportunity to chat (phew!).

We've been to the zoo (twice), the Tower, Banff (fab) and Edmonton (drab). Head-smashed-in Buffalo Jump was different, and in Nanton you are expecting the sheriff and his posse to come galloping round the corner - just ahead of the tumbleweed.
Anyway, off to Banff again today. Rodeo tomorrow . . . watch this space !

Banff Website: http://www.banff.com/

Missing y'all. Love the messages . . .keep it up! (ignore Bert's little identity crisis . . . normality reigns at home.)

Photos to follow. Love and hugs to all, Nicki and the gang xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

First Impressions - A Chris (Bert No More) Perspective

In life I’ve always been led to believe that there are 2 ways of doing things; an easy way and a hard way. After living here for a month I’ve realised there’s a third …… The Canadian Way!!

Basically it’s the hard way with a bit more red tape thrown in.

I’ll use the example of buying a car to give you all an idea.
When I first got here it was –20 degrees, so trailing round on Shanks’ pony wasn’t much fun. On my first morning here I got Lucy (Chris’s wife) to drop me in town on her way to work so I could look for a car. Town to the garage is about a mile. Twenty minutes (and frozen ears) later I arrived and chose one. Sorted.
Little did I know!! I couldn’t buy it until I had a Canadian driving licence. Out came the just thawed legs, feet and ears for a mile hike back to town. (Chris Roberts had said that he’d get me a couple of tennis racquets as a leaving gift; I could’ve done with them).

Got to the Registry Office in town, paid $75 (about £30) to change my licence, then . . . another 20 minute impression of Scott of the Antarctic!

Arriving at the garage with a blue face I finally got the illusive ‘bill of sale.’ So now I could go and get some insurance . . . . back in town, obviously. If only Chris wasn’t so tight!

As the car was cheap and cheerful I only wanted third party; the first quote was $1450 (about £700). Not a prayer. I eventually got it for $490 (about £230). I had my ‘Pink Card.’ Hurrah. Time to go and buy my registration plate - literally – and carry it to the garage! What a ridiculous idea.

Back at the garage the deal was finally done. My very helpful salesman (Duane) even screwed it on for me.

Only in Canada.

Now mobile I could go and get some life essentials. Beer at $40 (£18.00) for 24 small cans!!! I may well be taking a leaf out of my Dad’s book and doing some home brew.